Starting an international long distance relationship sounds hard and scary. I mean, we are talking about being countries away!
So if you are in a relationship with someone from a different country and eventually you will have to travel abroad to be with that person, I’m here to help!Here's a little help for those who are thinking about starting an international long distance relationship or just want some advice! Click To Tweet
It can be hard to start such a relationship. Everything can be so unsure and harder (and you are right!), but honestly when you want something so bad, you can get it and make it work.
I’ll explain a little how it works and what entails in case you are also looking for advice.
Let’s start with the basics and some information about me and my relationship.
While I live in Chile, my boyfriend spends his days in the US. We are 8462 kilometers away from each other to be exact (around 12 hours on a plane).
Not only that, we are dollars away from each other. We can’t forget about the money issue. Money is needed for the flights, and international flights can be quite expensive.
In spite of that we have managed to see each other every four months or so.
We’ve been together for five years now and I can’t say that distance gets easier at some point. What I can do say is that you learn how to manage the distance in a better way.
So if you are starting an international long distance relationship, here you can find some tips that will help you to not go crazy that easily (even though it can be really hard sometimes).
1. Be Patient
I know, this one a little obvious, but it’s something very important that you need to practice almost daily.
The waiting can be long before you see each other again, and sometimes you won’t even know when will be the next time.
Those factors will drive you crazy, but remember why you took the decision to start this relationship and how much you love that person.
There will be ups and downs, but don’t forget to try harder on those awful days. Especially when you think you can’t keep going.
2. Talk Every Day
Even though some couples will need to face different schedules and different time zones, you need to do your best to accomplish this.
It’s important to keep the communication going even if it’s to chat about something stupid or random for 15 minutes.
You can send voice messages if you don’t feel like texting, a quick call if it’s possible, send memes on instagram, etc. The point is… just do it!
Remember that your significant other is important and needs attention. Being in an international long distance relationship means that you can’t make it up and see each other the next day.Remember that being in an International Long Distance Relationship means that you can't make it up and see each other the next day if there's a problem. Click To Tweet
3. Make Plans About The Future
Making plans with my boyfriend about the future is something that always help me when I feel sad or anxious. Especially if I was doubting the relationship at some point.
Thinking about where we could go the next time we are together or where we could live once we close the distance never fails to improve my mood.
It’s something special that we do to remind ourselves that we belong together now and in the future.
Having those kind of conversations lift the spirits, especially after a fight. Remembering that there’s still a next time to see each other is helpful when things start getting hard.
4. Save Money
No need further explanation. Traveling costs money, and you will need every penny!
I was lucky that in the beginning of my relationship my parents were able to help me out with the flights. So if there’s a way your parents can help, make sure they like your significant other!
5. Take Advantage of Social Media
Like I said on tip #2, talk everyday! Choose your favorite app and start the conversation.
You can send a picture or video through Instagram Stories or Snapchat, send voice messages through WhatsApp, play games, send memes, etc.
Sometimes my boyfriend and I have three different conversation through three different apps. On Instagram, we send each other memes, funny videos, or even some news!
On Facebook we tag each other on different things, while our main conversation is on WhatsApp (highly recommend it, if you aren’t using it already).
6. Don’t Let Your Friends Bring You Down
Yeah, friends can be mean sometimes, but they want the best for us.
It can be hard for them to understand your relationship and the why it has to be with someone that lives in another country when there’s plenty of fish where you live.
No matter what they say… you are the one that has to be sure. It’s your relationship.
Obviously, you can take advice (because some friends have more experience on how to deal with relationships), but also have in mind that they don’t truly understand how’s like to be so far away from the person you love.
So don’t take too seriously what they say.
7. Something’s Gotta Give
Have you ever watched that movie? I highly recommend it if you are into rom-coms. Well, it’s not only a funny movie, it also brings a good lesson.
Couples fight over stupid things all the time. What makes it harder in a long distance relationship; is that you can’t be in front of your significant other to solve the problem. Which can make the situation escalate.
We know that arguing over text sucks. You don’t know if they are being sarcastic, serious, or just trying to annoy you.
I’m very sensitive and I tend to make a big deal of everything. Luckily, my boyfriend knows how to deal with that. He just leaves me alone for a few minutes and I’m back no normal again (which is also a great thing!).
Although, when he’s upset, he takes longer to calm down so it’s me who has to be patient.
The important thing is: don’t make the argument bigger if you can help it.
8. Leave Aside Jealousy
We all have that one person that brings the worst in us. That one girl (or boy) who makes our insecurities arise and makes us want to go there and kick some ass.
I used to be so jealous (I’m still am, but in a different way) and it was very upsetting when I couldn’t be there with my boyfriend and deal with the issue in person.
So what did I do with the years? I learned how to trust him. Not only that, I learned to trust him to deal with those situations. I know he will tell me when things get weird with a person from the opposite sex.
Why? Because he would expect the same from me, and we trust each other.
9. Talk About Feelings
It’s very important to keep track of our feelings. When you can’t be with your boyfriend or girlfriend in the same place at the same time, you need to replace that complement the lack of physical contact in a different way.
How you do you that? Through words. Talk about what you love about each other. The reasons why you love something in particular.
Talk about the moment you met, the times when you are together, the plans for the future, etc.
You need to make up from the lack of physical contact that come with an international long distance relationship.
10. Be Strong
There will be a lot of times when you will think that maybe love isn’t enough to keep this relationship. That is too hard; but yes, love is enough if you think you have a future with that person.
It is enough when you feel you can go through anything with that person and still survive the hardships.
Write your feelings down, that way you will have a reminder of the positive things when you think things aren’t going the way you wanted.
It is important to be in charge of your feelings. It can be hard, but try to be a little more rational about them. If you can fix the issue, then you’ll be alright.
Okay, so the main reason why we are all doing this long distance relationship thing, is that we trust the person we love. We trust that they will take care of our hearts.
If you aren’t feeling that way then, you need a serious conversation with your significant other. This is the basis of any relationship, but it’s even more important when there big distance between two people.
I want to be positive, but you need to remember that distance between two people can make two hearts drift apart. That’s why is so important to keep communicating!
International long distance relationships are hard, but they are worth it. Not matter how hard it can be.
Editor’s Note: This post has been updated with new links and information on June 3rd, 2020