First of all, do not panic. If it has been days and the only thing you keep doing is arguing, is not necessarily a sign that the relationship is over.
Every relationship goes through moments where it seem that you and your partner don’t see eye to eye, and it doesn’t mean that you should break up.
Have in mind that the distance makes it so easy to blew out of proportions a simple argument.
A simple miscommunication can turn into a huge fight.
The fact that you can’t simply talk to each other face to face to try to fix the issue, can leave a lingering feeling of sorrow and worry.
So, if you are feeling like you are reaching a point of no return, then here’s what to do if your long distance relationship is failing.
The first step is to pinpoint the reason why your long distance relationship is struggling.
Is it the constant fights? Are you disagreeing about something that is important to you? The distance is becoming too much? Visiting each other has become difficult? Your partner is not respecting your boundaries? Maybe you don’t see effort from your significant other to make the long distance relationship work?
Every relationship goes through difficult times, and it’s you who decides if you can keep going or not.
It’s important to be honest with yourself and don’t be afraid of the outcome. Depending on the root of the issue, you will decide what to do next.
What To Do If Your Long Distance Relationship Is Failing
If you have come to the realization that your relationship is failing because of how overwhelming the distance is becoming, then I want you to see things in a different perspective.
First of all, if you are in a healthy relationship and you and your partner are madly in love. Keep trying. Don’t be afraid of the distance.
You have probably heard the saying: “love is not enough”; and in many circumstances that is true; but in my opinion, when the distance is temporary (could be for a couple of months or even years), is worth to keep fighting for an amazing relationship and partner.
Now, I do agree that sometimes it feels like you are swimming against the current and your relationship starts feeling like a chore and it’s affecting your mental health, instead of just enjoying the ride.
Then again, it’s important to be honest with yourself. Can you keep going?
Solution 1: Be Creative
Ask the hard questions and work together.
Be open with each other and try to balance the weight of the distance between you two.
Especially if you are able to communicate who can handle more in certain period of time.
Also; if one person has more days off, and the other person has more money to invest in the relationship, make it work. It’s teamwork after all.
It’s very important to put on the table all the options available, and be creative. Sometimes we think that certain solutions aren’t possible; but with patience, effort, love, and imagination, you can work something out.
For example, when my then boyfriend (now husband) and I were in an international long distance relationship, I was able to take a month off to spend together.
I didn’t have the money to buy the plane tickets, so he would pay for mine, or part them.
We also tried to take turns. While I had more time flexibility than him, it was also important for me that he would visit me in Chile and get to know my family.
Another thing we one time is that he flew to Miami when I was on vacation with my family (for him it was a short flight from South Carolina).
He also was able to travel to Peru and meet my grandparents (my mom is Peruvian and they still live there).
So even though I was living full time in Chile, and he was full time in the US; we would find different circumstances to be together.
This is what I mean by being creative. Maybe meeting halfway is a great option for you.
And who knows, it might also mean that (if it’s possible), you can move in with the person you love. Think about all the options.
Maybe you can find a remote job, you can take online classes for a semester, or move to a different city to just be close to your significant other.
Sometimes being in a long distance relationship means that someone might have to “sacrifice” something along the way.
In my case, I left my country and family to move to the US.
Solution 2: Patience and Communication
Again, these solutions for: what to do if your long distance relationship is failing, are about how to overcome the distance and not about how to save a toxic relationship.
Which is why it’s important to understand the meaning of a toxic relationship.
So if you want to analyze your relationship, here are some resources that might be helpful: Is Your Relationship Toxic? What to Look For / What Is a Toxic Relationship? How to Spot the Warning Signs of Toxic Relationships / What Is a Toxic Relationship? Signs, Impacts, & How to Fix It
And I repeat, I’m not talking about having a period of time in which every little thing turns into a big argument.
Sometimes the distance gets to you and it’s inevitable to be more irritated and feeling a little hopeless. That is normal in a long distance relationship. So don’t panic if that’s your case.
Constant fighting might be because you and your significant other are burnout. It’s common in relationships like this one.
Long distance relationship take a lot of effort and it can be exhausting in the long run.
Even more so if you used to spend a lot of time together, and now you have decided to keep being together no matter the distance.
So if you are going through a rough patch, it’s time to sit down and evaluate your relationship.
Talk about what is working and what is not. Talk about (with an open mind and heart) what is annoying each other and what things you wish you could do different.
Have in mind that long distance relationships only work when both parts are willing to do the work necessary to go to the next level (and I’m not talking about marriage).
Life is constantly testing us, and when we face obstacles in our relationship, it’s a way of the universe asking you if you want to keep going or quit.
If you are able to put the work and overcome the obstacles, you can pass to the next level. Just like in a video game.
Again, we are talking about regular topics: like not talking on the phone enough, feeling like the other person is not putting enough effort to “spend” time together, maybe you feel like you aren’t a priority in her or his life, etc.
If you are dealing with cheating, with a verbally abusive person, or your partner is simply not caring about your boundaries; then it might be time to call it quits.
To solve the current predicament of not knowing if it’s time to move on or not, you have to talk with your partner and open your hearts to each other.
In my opinion, there’s always a solution, but it’s also important to know what you want, and what you need from your partner.
You want the relationship to work, but if you need that physical touch that only a regular relationship can give you, then you know what to do.
Solution 3: Say Goodbye
As heartbreaking as it seems. Breaking up with your long distance boyfriend or girlfriend might be the way to go.
But it doesn’t have to be permanent either.
I’m not talking about taking a break; because truthfully, I don’t think breaks work, and it’s very one sided, which is unfair to the other person that is not really sure about that decision.
What I mean is that, if it’s really meant to be, it will be.
Maybe in a future, and if you two are still single, you can try again in case you find yourself in the same place.
Breakups are hard, and while you might love that person with your whole heart. You are the most important person in your life.
If you are suffering in your relationship, you need to move on to the next chapter in your life. Even if it hurts.
Remember that you have to keep yourself as a priority.
If you are reading this, you are probably going through some hardships in your relationship and I want you to know that no matter what you choose at the end, you will be okay. My heart goes to you.
Be also positive that long distance relationships can be and are successful. There are many out there who have close the distance. Don’t lose hope!
In my case, it took 5 years to finally live together. If you keep overcoming obstacles and you both are willing to put in the hard work, it’s totally possible.
For more long distance relationship tips, click here.