After five years of long distance relationships; and after hearing about the stories my readers have sent me along the years, I have come up with a real answer to the question if long distance relationships work.
Short answer? Yes, long distance relationships work. Although, it will depend on a few factors if your long distance relationship will be successful.
There are many stories online on how long distance relationship don’t work; and when I read them, it’s very clear why they didn’t.
Long distance relationship come with their on struggles, on top of the regular problems any relationships goes through. So it’s very easy to give up when you face problems in a long distance relationship.
My Long Distance Relationship Story
In 2015 I started an international long distance relationship. I was living in Chile while my boyfriend was in the US.
When you add different countries to the mix, it definitely gets harder to keep the relationship with time, but not impossible.
In September 2019 we decided to close the distance and apply for the K-1 visa, which is a fiancé visa. That would let me go to the US and get married there.
In 2020 our plans were delayed because of the pandemic, but we made it work.
It was a stressful process, and a lot of money was involved. Also, once you start the visa journey, it takes time to finish it (something to have in mind).
Note: I’ll talk about my immigration process in another post, and I’ll explain the whole process in there. Especially for those who are in a similar situation.
So you might ask yourself, how did we make our long distance relationship work all those years? It wasn’t easy, that’s for sure; but I’ll give you some tips that will help you out.
How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work
There are many tips that can help you in your long distance relationship, you can read this post for additional long distance relationship advice; but in general, these are the most important ones.
1. Both Parties Need To Be On The Same Page
If one person is not sure about the distance or simply doesn’t want to be in one; then most likely, is not going to work out.
Why? Because he or she is not interested in going through the hardships. The person doesn’t even want to try. What makes you think that you can make it work when things get hard? Sounds very harsh, but it’s the truth.
When things start getting harder and the distance is too much, they will want to stop trying. They will think that long distance relationships simply don’t work out.
You will doubt the whole relationship at some point. It happens and it’s okay. That’s why I also recommend doing this when you are starting your long distance relationship.
What can you do if that’s your situation?
Talk about it. Hear the reasons why your partner doesn’t want to be in a long distance relationship. They are probably scared/insecure. Sometimes the problem is trust issues.
If that’s the case, then find ways to fix it if possible. You can do a trial version, and see what happens; but in that case, you need to be ready to let go if it doesn’t work out. Physical distance can be super hard for some people.
The key to a successful long distance relationship is the fact that both parties will fight for the relationship.
Someone will have to put more effort at some point, and you will have to be okay with it. It’s not going to be 50/50. The distance can easily take a toll in a relationship.
2. Communication Is Key
This is very important. Whatever is bothering you, let him know. Even the smallest thing. Make it logical as well.
What I mean by this is that our feelings can easily make our imagination go wild, so we also need to rationalize whatever we think we are seeing or not seeing.
If I’m feeling jealous, I would let my boyfriend know and explain the reason why.
Remember that long distance relationships are 100% about trust. Otherwise, you will drive yourself crazy.
It happened to me at some point, and I just learned how to deal with it.
If you feel like your significant other is not paying enough attention to you, explain how you feel and what you need from him. Just don’t expect the other person to guess how to make it better.
If you see the other person acting different than usual. Create a safe space for the other person to talk. Not everyone is open to talk about their feelings and that’s something you both will have to figure out.
3. Patience & Love
I have heard many times that “love is not enough” when a relationship doesn’t work, and it might be like that sometimes; but in my experience, love is infinite and in fact, love is enough.
It can help you go through anything and it can even make the impossible, possible.
For example, my boyfriend and I started our long distance relationship without knowing when it might end or what we could do to close the distance.
After five years, we are finally living together.
Sometimes it was harder, but we never gave up even though many times we were doubting the future of our relationship. The things was… we didn’t see our lives without each other, so we kept fighting.
I hope this post was helpful! Like I said in the beginning, long distance relationships do work, it just takes effort and patience.
Also, all long distance relationships are different, so what worked for me, might not work for you. Just know that there are options! Whatever you want to know to fix a problem do research. That helped me a lot when I didn’t know what to do.
Most of the time long distance couples feel alone and have no one that understand their struggles. Know that my ‘Contact’ page is open for you if you need someone to vent that understands what you are going through.
I wish you the best!
With me living in Holland and my boy living in Israel, this whole pandemic is making it very hard and we havent seen each other in about a year..
But as you said, Love, Patience and Communication make it so worth it!! As long as youre real to each other, even if its only on the phone, long distance can definitely work!!!!
Yes! I totally agree. I spend almost a year without seeing my boyfriend when I was finally able to travel. So many things happen in those months. We keep fighting the distance because it was worth it.
I think long distance can work too, but it really depends if both are willing to put in the work. By the way great tips 🙂
Totally! If not one person will feel overwhelmed and that’s not fair.
It was hard enough for my husband and me to be long-distance for the first year of our relationship – and I thought Florida to Virginia was far. But I know you’ve gone through so much more and for so much longer. It’s seriously impressive. But YES! It’s definitely possible if the couple is willing to work hard, trust each other, and communicate about EVERYTHING. Love this post!
No matter how big the distance is, is still a hard situation! So happy you like it.
Jennifer Prince says
Oh wow! That would be hard with different countries and time zones for sure. I’m glad it worked out!
Yes! Living in different countries make it definitely more tricky!
Neely Moldovan says
I think they can depending on age and maturity. I had one in college and it ended becuase we were young.
Definitely there are many factors that can influence a relationship. I was in college as well when we both started our relationship. In my opinion it helped more because I actually had the time to travel hahaha