We all know that one of the hardest things in long-distance relationships are the arguments. Trying to explain the reasons why you are upset and trying to fix the situation can be a real struggle. Arguments can start with a simple text. They can escalate quickly. And without even noticing, what started as small fight it ends being something bigger. Arguments over text are simply the worst. So, if you are new to this kind of relationships, this advice on how to deal with arguments in long-distance relationships will be very helpful for you.
So, What’s the best way to Deal With Arguments In Long-Distance Relationships?
In these two years of long-distance relationship, I’ve been in a lot of arguments with my boyfriend. Some silly, like why I was ignoring a text. And others more serious that has left me crying and thinking that we are about to break up. In my experience, it can be hard to deal with any type of argument while texting. That’s the main source of communication in this kind of relationships. And who am I kidding, nowadays, who doesn’t text with their significant other? In a long-distance relationship or not. Talking on the phone is not that common like it used to be.
The difference comes when the argument gets out of your hands and you can’t meet up to fix the problem. Even something so simple like debating can turn up bad if you don’t use the right words. Or if you read a text in the wrong way and assume something totally different. I have to say that for me, that happens more than I want to. Or I read wrong, or an emoji was missing so the sentence ends up sounding too harsh, or even because my brain understood the idea differently.
Even something so simple like debating can turn up bad if you don't use the right words Click To TweetSo when you deal with arguments in long-distance relationships you should:
First of all, make sure to know where the problem started.
It’s so easy to change subjects during a discussion. You start with something and little by little the argument is going somewhere else. And that can make it worst! I know is hard to control a conversation but it’s important to just stay on one issue rather than adding more problems to the discussion.
If everything started because he or she left you on seen. Just talk it out. Wait for an apology and move on. Don’t make it more difficult. Avoid adding more problems or arguments like: “This is not the first time you do it” or “I remember when I did this to you, you reacted so badly…”
Just let it go.
Be the bigger person.
It doesn’t have to be all the time. But when you see the discussion is going nowhere. Then just agree on whatever the other person is saying. Why making it worst? Just swallow your pride and move on. Especially if the argument is about something silly. You might be right. But why to open the door to a bigger fight? It’s always better to fix it as soon as possible.
I know is hard. I love being right over things. I’m that kind of person who loves saying “I told you so“. But with time, I learned that sometimes is better to just accept that give in for the sake of both persons.
Just swallow your pride and move on. Click To TweetTry to video chat or call.
I know that sometimes that can’t be possible. But when the argument or fight is escalating quickly and things start going out of your hand. It’s better to have that conversation face to face.
You might be hurt or crying. But being face to face with the person you love can make things easier. And if not… It will make the argument more rational. You won’t need to rely on emojis and you will be able to hear your significant other’s voice. Which is always nice.
This is one of my favorite ways to deal with arguments in long-distance relationships.
Not everything is as bad as it seems. Learn about how the other person handles arguments.
The first fights I had with my boyfriend were horrible. I didn’t know how to deal with arguments in long-distance relationships. I didn’t know how to react, what to say, or how should I handle the situation. It was a very stressing moment. What I thought it was a big deal, wasn’t really like that. What I thought it was the moment we were going to break up. We managed to see through it.
With time, I learned that my boyfriend prefers to calm himself first. To have time to think everything. And after a few hours, he would be ready to talk again. While I’m totally different! I’m more confrontational and I prefer to talk about the issue until the problem is fixed.
Sometimes that can be bad too. I want things to be my way. And I was pushing him to do something he wasn’t comfortable with. Words can hurt. So if having time to cool down will bring the rational side back and it will avoid saying hurtful things. Then do that first. I’m still learning.
Not everything is as bad as it seems. Learn about how the other person handles arguments. Click To TweetRemember that most problems have a solution.
Obviously, it will depend on what is okay for you and what is unforgettable. For example, infidelity. That is a big no in my book. And I wouldn’t know how to see past that if that ever happens. I know I can forgive, but it would be very hard to trust again. So for me, there are a few things that don’t have a solution. But I can count them on the fingers of one hand. Once you know those things you have an idea of when not to panic.
I know some arguments look like there’s nothing that can fix it. But it’s not like that. Yes. It might get worse before cooling down but I know it will have a solution. You might need time to figure things out. You might cry a lot. But at the end, it will be okay. Also, make sure to let know your boyfriend or girlfriend what’s going on with you or what are you thinking. Leaving hanging that person is not good. Let’s try not to worry them by keeping them posted.
Both of you will be hurting. So it’s nice when you let know the other person that even though you are super upset and hurt. Everything will be alright.
You might need time to figure things out. You might cry a lot. But at the end, it will be okay. Click To TweetSo what do you think? How do you deal with arguments in long-distance relationships? Or in any relationship in general? What would be some of your tips? Let me know in the comments!
For more long-distance relationship advice, click here.
Alex Carreno says
Be the bigger person is such a great point! My now hubby and I used to be long distance and we learned so much more about ourselves and each other!
Melissa Cruz says
Exactly! The distance can be such a great opportunity to learn about the other person.
Rachel at RKCSouthern blog says
Honestly I think this is something people don’t think about until it happens, and then they’re at a loss as to how to deal with it.
Melissa Cruz says
That’s also true! This came after 2 years of experience hahaha.
Alix Maza says
This is a great post! Communication is key for almost everything.
Melissa Cruz says
Without is super hard to keep going.
Ashley Vickney says
This is so great! When we were long distance, my husband and I never fought over text, so much meaning is lost!
Melissa Cruz says
That is so good! I wish we were like that lol But it can be so hard. We are so sensitive hahaha
Alex says
YESSSSSS! Love this post so much! I think these tips can also go for people that live together, as well!
Melissa Cruz says
Totally! part of any modern relationship is though a phone lol
Robin @ And Then We Tried says
Great advice. Communication is always key, long distance or not.
Melissa Cruz says
Exactly! No matter the relationship… communication is important.
Karoline J. says
Melissa, thank you so much for these tips! I can totally agree on all of them! I am in a longdistance relationship for the past year and have another year to go! Thank you 🙂
Melissa Cruz says
You are welcome!! Times flies too!
Magen Daniella Golden says
Great advice. Sometimes long distant relationships can be harder than they need to be.
Melissa Cruz says
SO true! No need to add more dificulty!
McKennableu says
Great tips! I can imagine being in a long distance relationship can be quite challenging. Communication is definitely key.
Melissa Cruz says
exactly! It’s quite the challege but you can make it work.
Rachel @ STCL says
These are great tips! Letting the small stupid things go is a big one!
Melissa Cruz says
Yeah! Avoiding stupid arguments is the bestw ay to go lol
Rachel G says
How true that it’s hard to have a meaningful and considerate resolution to an argument over text! My husband and I were long-distance until we got married, and I remember those days! I didn’t have any texting service on my phone (this was in 2010, so not all that long ago, but texting cost extra, so I didn’t have it!), which meant that we could only talk in real time…and honestly, I kind of loved that. If texting had been available we wouldn’t have spent so many beautiful hours on the phone together chatting–so I’m grateful that we had an LDR in the pre-text era (for me, if not for the rest of the world). 😛
Melissa Cruz says
Oh no! I can’t imagine these days hahaha. You have a point! Talking in real time is great too. I’m so used to texting though! lol
Rachel@The Confused Millennial says
this is such great advice! I feel like your communication game has to be so strong and you have to have a lot of humility to make a LDR work! I like your point about video chats and identifying the problem. super smart!
Melissa Cruz says
Totally! Is definitely the key to make the distance less hard!
Annie Robinson says
This is such great advice! It is really important to put in effort to the relationships that mean the most to you.
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Melissa Cruz says
Exactly! Nothing comes easy.
Christina @ Hugs and Lattes says
These are great for any relationship! Being in a LDR though is so difficult sometimes – especially when in times of conflict. With good communication, though, you’ll come out on top. 🙂
Melissa Cruz says
Good communication is key! Without it everything woul be a mess.
Miss ALK says
That must be so difficult to deal with disagreements when you’re long distance! These are great tips and I know this post will help people in your situation!
xoxo A
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Melissa Cruz says
I’m so happy to hear that!
Lily Ayala says
I can’t even begin to imagine how much harder this must be…it’s hard enough arguing with someone you live with. Great points girl.
Melissa Cruz says
Right? It’s hard either way. I’m glad you liked it!
Christine Goulbourne says
My husband and I were in a long distance relationship for the first two years of our relationship. I’ll be honest, I’m glad we weathered those tough times, but I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone. It is so difficult, but your post offers a few good strategies to help deal with what could evolve into a mountain of insecurities, things left unsaid to fester, and feelings of constant hurt and disappointment.
Melissa Cruz says
It is difficult! Some moemnts more harder than others. But sometimes it’s just what you have to do. I agree with you! If those bad feeling evolve… bad things could happen. Thanks for reading!